A successful failure

Last day of the month and I officially call my blogging experiment a successful failure. Without a topic of discussion, I'm just not a successful daily blogger. I do have the experience of blogging under my belt now and it can be applied to future challenges.

April I'm dedicating to my kids. Is be around for them month. Or get healthy month. Some things to do are get a primary doctor for chantix script and do the quit smoking thing with a buddy from work, regulate my sleep schedule, and eat healthier foods. And keep up with my daily vitamin.

Looking ahead

With April almost here I'm starting to give thought to the next challenge. I'm still thinking on the selfish level. I'm missing more work than I should, I gotta get healthier. Part tummy troubles, part not enough sleep.

Maybe a sleep regulation challenge?

And maybe spending some time doing something related to the other folks challenges.

A work in progress.

Some days I want to turn to my friends and ask "Want to play our favorite game? I ask if you're doing okay, you lie and say you're fine, I'll pretend you didn't lie."

Some days I remember I do the same thing. Not because I don't want you to know I'm a little messed up, a little unwell. But because I'm starting to believe it could be true.

Watching Frozen

I'm really starting to think I'm just not a daily blogger kind of guy. Life is good today. I've got Disney.

Perfectly put

I stayed off Facebook for a good portion of the day today. All this news about Fred Phelps started to piss me off bright and early this morning. It was the perfect example of why I've been pissed off at the world so much lately. When I finally decide to check  my news feed to see what's going on in the world, there was more WBC news hogging it so I had to scroll for what seemed like days looking for actual news and somehow ended up finding these two gems.

"So ol' Fred is on his deathbed. Who really cares? Hatred does not die with him. All of these posts rejoicing in a man's death show that."


"I take no solace or joy in this man's passing. We will not dance upon his grave, nor stand vigil at his funeral holding "God Hates Freds" signs, tempting as it may be.

He was a tormented soul, who tormented so many. Hate never wins out in the end. It instead goes always to its lonely, dusty end."

Maybe we're not all as fucked as I think we are.

Thoughtful yet irritated

All my thoughts are running together on this one. I'm deleting more than I'm typing. I'm just gonna try again in the morning.

This month isn't all bad

9 years. Almost forgot about it. This is a historically hard month for me. And it's also the month I quit doing dope. Yeah, go me.

Some days, it's all about remembering the one thing you did right to stop forgetting about all the other times you did the wrong thing.

Throwback Thursday. Bacon style.

Good times. Good times. Watching Footloose. The original.

I don't remember the last time I watched such a  ridiculously awesome movie with such a ridiculously awesome sound track.

Not so angry anymore

After my rant about hating everyone and everything. I feel better. Maybe I just wanted everyone with strong opinions to know that there is that one guy out there who's only strong opinion is everyone just get along.

a few days late, but fuck it

I finally have it figured out. I hate the Christians, the anti Christians, the gays, the anti gays, the guns, the anti guns, the Obama, and the anti Obama. Pretty much every banner and status I've seen in the last few days or weeks. I kind of want to give up on Facebook again.

Yes, I know where the unfriend button is.

Yes, I know the above statement is as pissy as the things pissing me off.

Nope, I don't give a fuck if you're now offended.

It's your Facebook, it's my blog.

If I Had A Mom...

... She would say there would be days like this. If I had a friend Jason, he would suggest that I start 30 day challenges if I'm in a rut. If I was smart, I would take his advice. Two out of three isn't bad I guess.

It's days like this, today especially, that my thoughts shouldn't be stuck in my head. Today is the kind of day that a bottle of Jack and a straight razor can fix.

There are three things in life that absolutely, inexplicably, terrify me to the core. The high dive, being alone, and talking to nice girls. I won't do 'em, can't make me, no amount of money/reward will convince me otherwise. It has occurred to me, and been pointed out by most, that numbers 2 and 3 are closely tied together. One could fix the other so to speak.

The high dive. Not low enough to be called jumping. Not high enough that the adrenaline over powers the fear. I know how to swim. I've been bungie jumping. I would someday like nothing more than to jump out of a perfectly good airplane with nothing but a thin bit of nylon between the ground and I. But that 10-40 foot jump with a body of water for a safety net? No sir, not happening. Find someone else. I much prefer my vision without spots and my equilibrium equal.

Talking to girls is bad enough. But a nice girl? That kind of girl that when I see her all I can think is yeah, Grandma would like her, Grandma would approve. That kind of nice girl needs to make the first move or there will be no move made. And an obvious one, too. Nothing that leaves even the slightest hint of room for doubt. There's a shadow of a doubt? No sir, not happening. I much prefer my vision without spots and my equilibrium to be equal.

Why is all this rattling around in my head today? I suffer from a curse. The inability to forget the date 05MAR. 'Cause I had a nice girl once. Someone that gave me a couple of very special gifts. Someone who found a very nice way to tie together 05MAR, 05JUL, and 05NOV. Today would've been my 10th anniversary. Now let me be clear. I do not pine away for my ex-wife, I do not sit around wishing things had turned out different. She's the mother of my children and for that I will always love her as such. Just like family.

But right now I live alone. I haven't settled for anyone that happened to come along. And today, I remember. I make it hard for people to stay.

Unexpected Side Effects

After a month of doing something for me I realize that by doing something to make me happy, I unconsciously started doing things to make me better.

After years of constant pain in my mouth it's starting to get better. I've always known that my early life choices fucked over my teeth and gums. When the top ones went, I knew the bottoms weren't far behind. And the more I understood they were rotted out and gonna fall out anyways, the less I took care of them. As it turns out it's been 10 years and my bottoms are still with me. Still in pain, still a reason not to smile. And then I added peroxide to my tooth brushing regimen (and actually got a tooth brushing regimen) and after two weeks I can say the pain is down and there's less pink in the sink.

Tomorrow I will add a daily vitamin. But I'm not that old yet. I got gummy!

Exciting things could be on my horizon...

Getting the party started

So here it is, February challenge: Blogging!

The rules of the challenge are simple. Starts at 3 posts, total of 5 paragraphs. Add a post and a paragraph each week. By week 4 it will be 6 posts to total 8 paragraph.

Why am I doing this? I don't talk to people very often. About the real shit. I talk plenty about plenty of things all the time. About crap that doesn't actually. Which leads me to have conversations with myself which don't always shed me in the best light.

And I want to have more good days like I had today. Putting my cue to work the last couple of days and really working the table was a good little boost of confidence.