If I Had A Mom...

... She would say there would be days like this. If I had a friend Jason, he would suggest that I start 30 day challenges if I'm in a rut. If I was smart, I would take his advice. Two out of three isn't bad I guess.

It's days like this, today especially, that my thoughts shouldn't be stuck in my head. Today is the kind of day that a bottle of Jack and a straight razor can fix.

There are three things in life that absolutely, inexplicably, terrify me to the core. The high dive, being alone, and talking to nice girls. I won't do 'em, can't make me, no amount of money/reward will convince me otherwise. It has occurred to me, and been pointed out by most, that numbers 2 and 3 are closely tied together. One could fix the other so to speak.

The high dive. Not low enough to be called jumping. Not high enough that the adrenaline over powers the fear. I know how to swim. I've been bungie jumping. I would someday like nothing more than to jump out of a perfectly good airplane with nothing but a thin bit of nylon between the ground and I. But that 10-40 foot jump with a body of water for a safety net? No sir, not happening. Find someone else. I much prefer my vision without spots and my equilibrium equal.

Talking to girls is bad enough. But a nice girl? That kind of girl that when I see her all I can think is yeah, Grandma would like her, Grandma would approve. That kind of nice girl needs to make the first move or there will be no move made. And an obvious one, too. Nothing that leaves even the slightest hint of room for doubt. There's a shadow of a doubt? No sir, not happening. I much prefer my vision without spots and my equilibrium to be equal.

Why is all this rattling around in my head today? I suffer from a curse. The inability to forget the date 05MAR. 'Cause I had a nice girl once. Someone that gave me a couple of very special gifts. Someone who found a very nice way to tie together 05MAR, 05JUL, and 05NOV. Today would've been my 10th anniversary. Now let me be clear. I do not pine away for my ex-wife, I do not sit around wishing things had turned out different. She's the mother of my children and for that I will always love her as such. Just like family.

But right now I live alone. I haven't settled for anyone that happened to come along. And today, I remember. I make it hard for people to stay.